Today’s libation of choice is some chilled coconut water. Ya girl needs her electrolytes these days! Speaking of electrolytes, I recently heard of a wild new trend: it’s becoming popular to mix sea water with tap water or juice to make a DIY gatorade! Simit and I are getting a batch (it needs to be cleansed of its harmful bacterias before you ingest it) to make one of these wonky hypertonics & we’ll report back!
As some of you were probably expecting, we (gratefully) welcomed our little girl into the world on September 8th of this year. Luma Daya Pontes has brought immense joy, laughter, butterflies and exhaustion into our lives. Luma is latin-rooted for light, Daya is hindi-rooted for compassion and grace, and Pontes is our family name after the legacy of bridge builders and individuals who serve as connectors. After the initial pain, we established breastfeeding fabulously; she feeds a stupendous amount, warranting nickname #37 of pudge-ball. She’s getting the hang of sleeping now at two months old, clocking in stretches of ~4 hours at a time at night.
At first breastfeeding was quite challenging (until my milk came in and stabilized). It felt like an outrageous pain that I hadn’t been fully prepared for after the blackout sacrifice of labor (if you’re curious to hear more about my labor story - message me so we can talk through it!). As the days unwrapped and my lack of sleep caught up, the same started to feel true about a lack of rest. It felt that I was trading in my comfort and my health for this tremendous joy and heart-up-lifting love. I kept hearing this perspective reiterated in my life through different rhymes and antics: “motherhood is like suffering in paradise”. Thankfully, with the incredible support of my parents, friends and paid help, we were able to enjoy even the troughs of our experience with a lightness of being. And as we established our way into our routine, it quickly became apparent to me that I wasn’t going to abide by the model of “exhaustive” parenting, or give-it-your-all parenting, or put-yourself-always-second parenting. If I’m giving my all to parenting, what’s left after that? The decision of choosing to have a child happened through an interest in both fostering more play and growing as a person through the process (children are observable learners, sponges and then mirrors to our behavior, afterall!)
Always-putting-me-second type of parenting would be counterproductive to looking inward and observing my own behavioral patterns. Sometimes it takes stepping away from a crying baby to realize how their angst and distress is making me amped and anxious. And how by getting worked up and stressed over their belly pain I’m not empathizing with their feelings but instead absorbing & reflecting their emotions. And how that can contribute to a more anxious household instead of the collaborative & joyful environment where problem-solving together is the norm.
Which isn’t to say I am always walking away from Luma when she’s crying to zen-myself-out, obviously. But when possible, I have to find the time to separate myself to reflect upon what’s arising in me so that I can better sail through emotional uprisings.
Overall two months in, this little bok choy (nickname #2) has brought us a wealth of knowledge and laughter. I give parenting multiple galaxies worth of stars (keep in mind galaxies also include black holes). I understand why many people choose to not have kids - I think much of what we are learning can be read about in books and talked through with friends while staring at the sunset without having children around. But thus far I’ve also uncovered that parenting isn’t just about the lessons in it of themselves. For us it’s also been about the journey of feeling our way into these discoveries. I’m still finding the words to describe these feelings, so for now we’ll just refer to it as the “Luma-high”. Don’t worry, it has some hangovers on occasion too.
On a different plane and dimension, most of you know I exist under a cave and don’t practice much politics. I believe change happens locally where we can make a difference: through volunteering in our local community and our daily acts of kindness. That being said, I’d be remiss if I didn’t share an article that really resonated with me regarding the recent elections. I’m curious about your take on it whether you identify as blue, red or purple. I’d love to hear from perspectives that are different from mine. Odds are that you - yes you, on the other side of the cyber vortex - are one of those people. So, what are your thoughts?
And onto more queries of mine… What’s been giving you a high recently? Or any hangovers worth mentioning? Any new elixirs entering your daily rotation? As you reflect back on this year, what has been its theme for you? What are the memories and lessons you’re going to take forward with you?
With immense love,
Alda
❤️